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Good Stress
By Martin Brossman
In my more than 10 years as a
Success and Business Coach, I have worked with many
people burned out and stressed out with their lives.
Often they believe all they need is a more peaceful
life, but many times I find that's not always the
answer. For some reason, my entire life I have been
intrigued with the question, "What gives a person a
fulfilling life that they love?" The examples of
'fulfilled people' I find are not necessarily fully
balanced and seldom profoundly peaceful. They are
engaged in life, living life very fully. Their lives
look more like someone loving a roller coaster ride
and less like someone floating peacefully on a quiet
pond. I am not condoning manic behavior and not
saying that all people who love their lives are in
constant action. What I am saying is that seeking to
calm one's soul before feeding one's soul is not
always the most effective order of doing things and
that sometimes a good way to deal with stress is
taking on a passionate adventure that fully engages
your senses, which you love and you can lose
yourself in. Meditation of course is also useful,
and something I do every day, but it is only one of
the tools in a complete and dynamic life.
Recently I coached a pastoral
counselor with great spiritual gifts who had retired
to the Washington DC suburbs seeking what was next
in his life. When we talked he admitted that
although he loved his new quiet life and enjoyed
pursuing his writing, he kept thinking of taking his
gun out to the firing range and doing some target
shooting. Then he stopped and apologized for that
thought, explaining how he, of course, is now
committed to a more balanced and harmonious life. I
did not hear that he 'just wanted to shoot
something' but that his soul ached for a different
adventure and encouraged him to explore the desire.
I promised I would not tell anyone at his Quaker
church and he laughed. The next day he called me in
a passionate exhilarated voice, "Wow, was that
great. You know I feel complete. I may not do it
again for a while, but I feel alive!"
This reminded me of when I was
in Japan visiting the Buddhist temples, attempting
to understand this ultimately peaceful life there. I
asked the tour guide about the beautiful big barrels
wrapped with decorative dried reeds and lettered
with large stunning Japanese characters. The tour
guide explained in quite polite broken English that
these were donated by the sake manufacturers for the
special celebration the monks put on with the town
once a year. With my friend's help with translation,
after she explained the celebration I said, “You
mean, two to three times a year the monks break open
the kegs and go charging down the mountain running
like maniacs in a wild parade that the entire town
participates in so wildly that people could get
injured by the intensity of it. Then they go up to
the mountain and peacefully meditate for a few more
months until the next blowout party!"
The tour guide paused; thought
about my version explained by my friend and said in
broken English, "Basically that is correct."
My point is that in relieving
stress, maybe what you don't need is more relaxation
but, instead, permission to be wild, permission to
break loose, permission to be passionate in a way
you never –allowed yourself, permission to dance
wildly around a fire, or whatever your version of
this is.
So how does this apply to our
everyday lives? If you feel stressed out over your
life, maybe deep relaxation is needed. I am a big
advocate of meditation when appropriate. Yet
frequently what is called for is a more passionate
and engaged life - reconnecting to hobbies you may
have loved, reconnecting to active events you
enjoyed, or maybe even exploring new adventures that
you have not dreamed of yet. This may take some
effort to honestly examine what your stressful
activities are and ask yourself, "Which truly are
mandatory to continue? Which can be delegated and
which really don't have to be done? Occasionally,
when we create extra time by removing stress, we
find new and creative ways to suffer. I have had
clients leave a full time job that was 'killing
them' to 'explore what is next' only to find
themselves inactive and suffering over not knowing
what to do. Exploring something like volunteer work
or even some consulting in an area you have not
explored before may open up new opportunities.
Sometimes we have practiced
being resigned to life or been burned out for so
long that these habitual states of mind become
challenging to break. In these cases, I may invite
the client to step into a new role and pretend to be
someone else who is excited and passionate about
life while exploring some new activity. One client,
who had been out of work for awhile, used to love
playing a guitar but did not pursue it because it
would not 'get him a job,' but I pointed out neither
would suffering on the sofa watching TV and
analyzing former relationships. Not only did I have
him 'show up for work' in his job-hunting campaign
but also get that guitar out, and within weeks he
was playing in coffee shops and loving it. It did
not get him his new job directly, but he felt that
the confidence he built from playing in the coffee
shops enabled him to avoid frustrations and do well
in interviews.
So enough about what I have to
say. What's up with you? What are you doing that
gets your 'juices flowing'? What gets you
passionately engaged in life? What do you do that is
similar to loving the downward ride on a roller
coaster? What could you do without changing your
whole life that could start this? I look forward to
seeing you passionate, vibrant and alive!
© 2006, Martin
Brossman with CoachingSupport.com. Martin Brossman
is a Life & Business Coach with world-wide clients.
Through CoachingSupport.com he has been coaching
passionately for over 10 years. He is available for
speaking and training, and offers the KI Coaching
certification Program. His upcoming book, "Finding
Our Fire-Enhancing Men's Connection to Heart,
Passion and Strength" will be available this Spring.
Martin@CoachingSupport.com (919) 847-4757. |
